This is Love
by thenostalgicdreamer
Summary: The journey of life leads Trish and Dez to each other. (Trez soulmates au)


i

For as long as he can remember, his mind's eye has always been fixed on his twelfth birthday. Everyone says that young boys dream of fancy cars, successful careers, and daring adventures; but what he has always wanted is a happily ever after. The world is so beautiful, life so intricate and fascinating, that it seems that there would be nothing better than to have someone to share it with. How wonderful would it be to have a girl to love and hug and go on adventures with? Someday actually having that sounds unimaginable. Yet, he's the son of soulmates, and there's no reason to believe he doesn't have one too.

In the meantime, he'll never tire of hearing about his parents finding each other, discovering they were soulmates, and starting life together at an early age. It's a love story to end all love stories. Their marks appeared on the exact same day when they were both very young. Just two years later, they met at school and quickly discovered that they were soulmates. From then on, they were inseparable. Dez loves to hear the story of them first holding hands. It sounds like magic to him how the heart shaped marks on the wrists touching sent a spark of electricity flowing through their veins. That magic is still very much alive today even after many years of marriage.

Someday, he too will experience that magic. The mere idea of it is enough to fill him with hope and purpose. As much as he loves his life now, the future, spent with a wonderful girl by his side, will only be better. He only has to wait a little longer. Some day very soon, he will get his mark, meet the girl of his dreams, and live happily ever after.

But his twelfth birthday comes and goes, and nothing happens. He is so sad he bursts into tears wondering if perhaps he was wrong, if perhaps he doesn't have a soulmate after all. His parents console him reminding him that he's still so young. There's plenty of time. Perhaps his soulmate is a young girl who's not ready for her mark yet. He can wait. Surely, it will make an appearance soon.

ii

She'll always remember the fateful day that she first notices the half circle mark on her skin. She's puzzled at first. Her parents don't have soulmate marks; and while scientific theories on soulmate marks are limited at best, she seems to recall hearing that it's thought that they're at least somewhat genetic. She's always figured she would be like her parents—left with the freedom to choose her life partner for herself, not stuck with some mystical happily ever after decided by who-knows-who. But when she steps into the shower that morning and sees a dark tan half circle on her hip, she knows deep down that she's been wrong. She's quick to excuse it as anything else—a scratch, a stretch mark, a tan line—but as the days pass, the evidence for those excuses becomes flimsy as the mark grows into a beautiful image.

One day, she wakes up to find that her mark has not changed in a week week, and she concludes that it is finally finished. She stares at it in the mirror and concludes that she rather likes it. It's a beautiful image of the earth with a smaller full moon done in the perfect shade of dark brown for her skin. The placement couldn't be more perfect too. She's only fourteen, and it will be years until she's legally allowed to get a tattoo. Still, she's already seen enough tattoos to know that this better than anything she could ever get.

As much as she loves the beauty of her new mark, its presence is a constant source of anxiety. Trish has never believed in love. She knows that love exists, sure; she's seen it in her family, in the bond she shares with Ally. But all consuming romantic love—that's something that she's not really sure exists outside of fairytales and romance movies. Even if it does, she is quite sure that she could never experience it herself. No one could ever love her like that. She's too flawed, too far removed from society's ideals of the perfect woman. Besides, even were someone to love her, there's still the fact that she's too guarded to ever let anyone get that close. No, her best hope is to find someone like herself who does not have romantic ideals. She has no doubts about eventually finding someone like that and marrying. She won't be blissfully happy perhaps, but she'll get more income, help with chores around the house, and someone to come home to at the end of a long day.

Into that vision of the future, her soulmate mark has come crashing down. The mark is not just a beautiful tattoo; it's a reminder that somewhere out there in the world is a boy who has or will someday have this same mark. As soon as his mark appears, he will come looking for her and pull her into a fairytale romance that she doesn't even want. She can't do anything about it. He will someday find her and be determined to marry her. Who will she be to say no?

iii

From his twelfth birthday on, the first thing he does each morning is inspect his body to see whether a soulmate mark appeared during the night. Day after day, he is disappointed to find every inch of his skin as pale as the day he was born. This isn't what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to get his mark early like his parents did and to have already met his soulmate. Yet, he's still waiting for the mark to make an appearance. His parents are very reassuring; people have been known to get soulmate marks as late as twenty-seven. He might feel old at fifteen, but he's still got plenty of time.

Despite their encouragement, he can't stop the worries from clouding his mind. What if he doesn't have a soulmate? The thought presents all sorts of unpleasant possibilities. If he doesn't have a soulmate, he'll have to choose a girl for himself. What if he doesn't choose the right girl? What if he chooses someone he can't be happy with or worse yet someone who's not even a good person? If he doesn't have a soulmate, he won't be able to know that she's the one merely because she crossed his path; he won't be able to look at her and know for sure. Worse yet, what if he settles down with someone only to get his soulmate mark later and realize he's made a terrible mistake? They say you can't have a happy long lasting relationship with someone who's not your soulmate if you have one. What if he marries the wrong girl and ends up divorced?

The thoughts swirl in his mind leaving him frustrated and unhappy. He thought it would be easy to find his life partner and start a happily ever after. Instead it's proving difficult and complicated, and that's not even thinking about any particular girl. What has his life become?

The worry and frustration gradually fill his life more and more leaving a cloud of darkness in their wake. Instead of beautiful and easy, life seems confusing, dark, and scary. He can't stop thinking about the future, wondering if he has a soulmate and worrying he'll end up spending the rest of his life unhappy. He doesn't know what to do with the worries, and worse still, no one understands. His parents just keep encouraging him to wait seemingly missing the depth of his distress. Austin has noticed the changes in his frame of mind, but he can't seem to understand why Dez can't take the whole thing stride. Why can't he? Why is his whole entire life consumed with worries about having a soulmate?

iv

From the first appearance of the faintest line of her mark, she chooses to keep the news to herself. It's so emotional, so life changing that she doesn't know how she could talk about it. Her parents not having the marks themselves wouldn't understand, and Ally, she'd love to tell Ally, but she's not sure she can trust her best friend to be able to keep the secret. Not knowing who to tell and how to tell; she carefully covers the mark with clothing feeling thankful that it's in such an inconspicuous spot.

Despite her success in keeping her life changing discovery to herself, Trish is unable to change her fate. Covered or not, her body is marked, and somewhere out there is the boy who has the same mark. Someday, they will meet, and she will be expected to become his life partner. There is nothing that anyone can do about that. They can't keep him from coming, from having a heart that's ready to love her, from asking her to marry him. It's a thought that weighs on her mind every moment. Her future is decided for her, and she has little say.

It's little say, though, not no say. She may not be able to keep her soulmate from getting his mark or crossing her path; but she can keep her own mark a closely guarded secret. Even if he finds her, he won't know she's the one he's looking for if he doesn't see or touch her mark. It's a small consolation but relieves some of her anxiety and makes determined to not tell anyone. She must do it—it's the only way to ensure that her secret doesn't get out. With her secret closely guarded, she's safe, and that's worth it even it means she has to walk a very lonely path.

Mind made up; she says nothing and keeps the worries close to her chest. It's a big burden that sometimes feels like too much to carry, but she must do it. There's no other way.

v.

The darkness he descends into lasts months. Day after day, he doesn't find a mark; night after night, he wonders if he'll ever find love. Moment after moment, he finds himself longing for the hope he had. It's dreary and disappointing, and he wonders if he'll ever see life's colors again. His creativity diminishes, and he has no idea how to gain it back. He hardly feels like himself anymore and wonders if he'll ever escape out of the deep dark pit he has fallen into.

Eventually, he pulls out his art supplies. He's hardly used them for months. He's not inspired; he has not been inspired. He sits staring at them and realizes he simply must create. He's an artist. That's what artists do. As he begins to work, a drawing takes shape. It's a sketch of himself and a girl dancing under the light of a full moon. As he takes the scrap of paper into his hands, he realizes that it's the dream he's been struggling to hold onto. He should carry this with him as a constant reminder that no matter what he can't give up on someday having a girl to love. He folds the paper, kisses it, and places it in his back pocket. He will not give up on his dream.

Slowly but surely, his life begins to change as he watches the hope creep back in. He's doing a little better when he meets Carrie. He's somehow never noticed girls before, perhaps because he's been too caught up in dreams of a soulmate to notice the girls in front of him. He's struck by how beautiful she is—the way her eyes are the perfect shade of blue and her curls perfectly frame her face. Best of all, she's not just beautiful but also kind and gentle. When he talks to her, he feels completely accepted. She doesn't see him as an artist or a dork or a bad mood like people have lately but simply as a person. It's wonderful, and he's never felt luckier.

It doesn't take him long to realize that he likes her a lot, and he decides to ask her out. She says yes, and he wonders why he ever thought this would be complicated. They're together, and it's simple and easy and beautiful. His heart is lighter than it has been in years; the smile has returned to his face, and he wonders why he ever thought he would never have hope again.

vi.

She's sitting poolside as she always likes to do in the summer. Miami heat is no joke, and it's so much easier to bear with a smoothie in her hand and cool water on her feet. Austin and Ally are on tour, but Dez is in town, so she's met up with him and Carrie. It's always so nice to get to see him now that he's away most of the year for film school. She's almost finished reading her messages when she happens to look up as Dez is taking off his shirt. There on his lower stomach just above the waistline of his trunks are two small black circles. She's a little taken aback as she didn't know him to have a tattoo. She holds her gaze for a second longer and realizes that it's not a tattoo. It's a soulmate mark, one that's an exact copy of the one she has on her hip. She immediately tears her gaze away determined that no one would catch her staring.

Her heart is pounding so she picks up her smoothie and takes a sip. She chokes. Dez—Austin's quirky best friend—is her soulmate. It is Dez she has been hiding from all this time. How didn't she know? Why didn't she guess? She glances at him again; she has to be sure. Tracing his mark with her eyes, she can see that every line matches the mark on her hip. He's her soulmate. She kicks her feet and stares down at her lap. Who would have thought that Dez, the one she always argued with, would be her soulmate? She feels lightheaded and splashes some water on her face. It's Dez, and it has been all this time.

As she fights to clear her head, she thinks that it's hardly a question of what she thinks about being his soulmate because what they have on their hands is a royal mess. She's the one Dez has long complained about not finding; only they've had no idea because she's been hiding and he hasn't had a mark. He's with Carrie doubtlessly presuming she'll get a mark like his some day soon, and Trish herself been seeing Chuck finding with him the kind of relationship she'd always imagined herself in. He pays her attention, buys her things, and is not looking for some romantic fantasy. It's perfect except that she is Dez's soulmate and that means that some day sooner or later her relationship with Chuck and Dez's with Carrie will fall apart.

She has never felt so confused in her entire life. She has always been so sure of herself, been so confident that she was doing the right thing that she blazed ahead into a relationship with Chuck never fearing having heard that relationships with someone besides one's soulmate don't last. Seeing Dez's mark, it rings true that she and Chuck won't last. She finds that she's not sad. As impossible as it sounds, she somehow can't say that she dislikes the idea of being with Dez. She excuses herself and heads home. She's got think about this more.

vii.

It's been a week, and he's still not over what happened. Trish wore a crop top. He's never known her to wear crop tops, but that's not why it's a big deal. She wore a crop top, and on her exposed skin was a soulmate mark that matches the one on his body. She seemed to avoid eye contact with him the entire afternoon and struggled to make conversation with him. He's been mulling over it for a week trying to get the bottom of what exactly happened, and what he's got is this—Trish didn't know how else to tell him she had a matching mark, so she wore something totally outside her normal style just to make sure he noticed. He's okay with that. What else was she supposed to do?

But now, the shoe's on the other foot, and he has to decide what to do. He doesn't like that as much. Maybe he has always wanted his soulmate, but he loves Carrie and is so used to the love and support she gives him. It's hard to believe she's not who he's supposed to be with. He's been thinking of marrying her for the past year and looking forward to seeing her at the altar in a wedding dress. Sure, she doesn't have a soulmate mark yet, and he finally does, but they've both just assumed that hers is yet to appear. She's got time, and they go together so well that it seems ridiculous not to assume they're soulmates.

Yet, Trish's mark is clearing declaring that he's been wrong. Carrie despite every thought of his to the contrary is not his soulmate; Trish is. He loves Carrie but pursuing a relationship with her is a dead-end path that will take him nowhere. Instead, their relationship is destined to fall apart. It sounds too unbelievable to be true. Still, it is true, and it means he has to decide what to do about finding himself caught between two girls—the one he loves and the one he's supposed to be with.

As he ponders the decision, he feels bitterness springing up in his heart. If only he had gotten his mark when he wanted it, he wouldn't be in this predicament. He would be happy with Trish today, if he hadn't thought that Carrie was his soulmate, if he hadn't spent several years falling in love with her. The truth remains that he did, and now he has to live with the consequences. For the first time in his life, the idea of a soulmate is upsetting. How dare it be dictated to him who he ought to be with and what his future ought to be?

viii.

She finds it hard to believe that she actually showed Dez her mark. It is so contrary to everything she had prioritized for the past few years and took so much courage. She isn't sure how she found that courage; she wouldn't have thought she had it, but apparently, she did. Maybe it was that she had felt at the time that she had no choice. It wasn't like what she had always imagined happening—her soulmate chasing her and her being unable to hide. No, it was unlikely that Dez would have discovered her secret on his own. Still, the secret had burned in her mind leaving her unable to think about anything other than the disaster that was coming if she kept it in. That burden on her heart, she had had no choice but to tell. There was no way she would do that to him—she would expect him to do the same were he in her place.

Despite everything she's ever done, every way she's ever acted; she cares about him a lot. That's why she told. She's a rather closed off person, and there's few people who have weaseled their way into her heart, but Dez has. He will always stand out to her as beautiful and unique; there will never be another Dez, and she will always want to have just as much him as she can so as to fill the place in her heart that only he can. She can't really explain it except to say that there's a special connection—this level of understanding that she feels with him and hardly anyone else. No one else is Dez, and with no one else does she have exactly what she has with him.

She can't really think of another way to describe about it, but perhaps some would call it love. She's never called it that because to her love has always been scary. It has been people getting closer to you than you want them to get, asking for things that you don't want to give, expecting you to help them create something more beautiful than reality. But maybe it's not those things at all. Maybe it's what she has with Dez—the trust in and admiration of everything he is that makes her willing to sacrifice something big just so he can be alright. It is a startling realization, but it feels right. She loves Dez.

As she ponders her feelings, she wonders why she hasn't heard from him. She knows that she dropped a bombshell, but she has no idea what he thinks of it. She feels thought formulating in her brain. What if he doesn't love her? What if he's not willing to drop everything for love like she has? Maybe he won't, but maybe he will. She may not know what will happen, but she knows that no matter what she can trust him.

ix.

He's completely, utterly miserable, more miserable in fact than he's ever been in his life. How can he decide? He doesn't want to let Trish or Carrie go. Trish is his soulmate, the one he is supposed to be with; but he's so comfortable settled with Carrie that he can't imagine saying goodbye to her. Why would he intentionally choose to let that all go? It feels foolish—giving up on a relationship where you've been happy—all for someone you believe is your soulmate. Some say soulmates are all in people's heads, and he's been wondering about that since he got his mark. What if they're right?

Either way, he's got to decide. He's not sleeping; he can't focus when he's at work, even the hours spent at home relaxing are miserable. This isn't his way; he knows it's happening because he's putting off this decision. He's thinking about it when he lays in bed at night, when he's riding in the car; he's even dreamt about it. No one knows his secret—the depths of unhappiness in which he currently finds himself. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say. How could he explain what this decision means to him?

He's been running lately, desperate to find any way to put his swirling thoughts rest. He's on the treadmill one day when it all comes to him. He hasn't just been running lately; he's been running away—running away from settling his heart. It's been too long since he's felt right inside; he has almost forgotten what it's like to live from the inside out. He's just powered through determined to find his way and make himself hope. That has brought him here—unsure of what he believes and unable to choose because of that. He has to decide what's most important and make that the basis of his life. In that moment, he knows that he can't choose Carrie. Despite the disappointment, deep down he still believes in soulmates, and if he has one, that is who he is going to pursue.

It's not easy to tell Carrie, but his heart is so settled that he's alright. He goes to bed that night and sleeps better than he has in years. He wakes up with a smile realizing that he's skirted disaster. Had he chosen Carrie he would have forever wondered what it was like to be with his soulmate. His heart is filled with gratitude to have found the courage to make the right decision, and he's never felt more like himself.

x.

She's so happy these days—happier than she would have imagined herself feeling. There's just so much peace in where she is right now. She and Dez are together now. He's in LA, and she's in Miami, but hardly a moment passes without her remembering that he's wonderful and he's out there and he loves her. She loves him so much herself and wonders how she ever thought that it would be okay to marry without being in love. It's such a wonderful feeling being in love, and she can't believe she almost let self-doubt and worry keep her from it.

All that time, she had supposed that it was a soulmate that she had to fear, that it would be him who took away her independence and forced her into a future she didn't want. Yet, she could not have been more wrong. There's no one more gentle than Dez, more skilled at asserting himself gracefully while still letting her maintain her independence. It was Chuck who would have micromanaged her life and stopped her from reaching her dreams. Having a soulmate—the very thing that she had dreaded for so long—has actually turned out to be what saved from a life of misery and for that she is infinitely grateful.

They're trying to take things slow, but she knows they're kidding themselves because she's so attached to him already, and she knows he feels the same about her. They might not have said it, but they both know that this is forever. She'll never forget how it felt when their marks touched, and they felt the spark of electricity soulmates always talk about. But it's about so much more than being soulmates or the marks on their bodies. Dez is just the sweetest, kindest person, and it's impossible for her not to love him for it. It makes her feel so special that someone so caring, creative, and wise is the one she will end up with when it could be anyone. When she thinks of that, she only loves him more.

It hasn't all been smooth sailing. Sometimes, she's scared of letting him in; sometimes, he worries so much about everything that she doesn't know what to say. But they're committed to loving each other and being there for each other, and that helps them find the patience to put up with the other's flaws and see the beautiful person that they still are. This is love, and it's hard but so much more beautiful and worthwhile than she would have ever imagined.

xi.

He glances up and notices that the moon and stars are rising as they have their first dance. It's absolutely perfect because Trish is his moon who fills his life with beautiful light. He's grounded by the bond between them which is as strong and sure as gravity. They're soulmates, yes, but more than that they're committed to each other and only each other. It will be just the two of them for the rest of their lives.

He has always dreamed of his wedding day, and he's still happier than he ever imagined. Trish—the perfect woman for him—is by his side never to leave again. They are part of each other in a way that they never have been before. Trish will be his woman for the rest of his life, and he will get to be her man, the one who loves and cares for her. It's what he's always wanted, and it's finally here making him feel like he could cry.

Trish is so tremendously beautiful, and he is so thankful for everything that she is. He had thought he loved Carrie, and perhaps he did, but it was never like this. He was never committed to her heart and soul like he is to Trish, and because of that he never knew what it was like to so seen, so known, so loved good qualities, flaws, and all. It's overwhelming and only makes him want to love her more, to give more of himself to her.

For all the beauty of their love, he knows that this is no fairytale. It's life at its most beautiful—wonderful, yet still imperfect. They may be soulmates, but they're still flawed humans who will from time to time hurt each other. Despite it all, he knows that the love they have for each other, the decision that they have made to choose each other always will overcome every obstacle and keeping them walking hand-in-hand for the rest of their lives. As he thinks back over the journey to get here, all he feels is thankfulness. Without the disappointment, hopelessness, indecision, soul-searching, grief; he wouldn't be here—ready to accept the hardship and joy of life with an open hand. He bends down and kisses Trish as the dance concludes. This is love.


End file.
